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What not to say to a pregnant woman:

December 1, 2011

Every few days I feel like someone says something entirely stupid to me. I understand that people want to talk about babies and pregnant women are a “ripe target” (pun almost intended). What I don’t understand is the rude comments and questions. Most people know that pregnant women (especially those that look like their approaching their due date) can be cranky. Why, therefore, would you ask a question or make a statement that can only be taken in an inappropriate or rude way? I don’t know, either. Since I’m an educator at heart (and by trade prior to H Money’s birth), I figured I would begin a list of things that you shouldn’t say to a pregnant woman. I’ll include the few that I’ve been lucky enough to hear recently.

1. You’re going to explode!
No, I’m not. At least no in the way you’re implying. I may emotionally explode because of you’re ignorant comment.
2. Are you having 1 or 2 babies?
Frankly, there’s no polite way to ask if someone is having twins. At the point you’ve already inferred that there’s a chance I’m pregnant with 2 babies. You can’t recover from this question.
3. Following question #2’s answer with, “Are you sure?” or “It doesn’t look like you’re only having 1.”
The second response was what I heard today. Really?!? Who thinks that’s a good thing to say to a pregnant woman?
4. You don’t look like you’ll make it to [insert due date/month here].
Oh, so you’re a doctor or a reliable psychic? Or do you have x-ray vision and you can see my cervix dilating from over there?
5. How much weight have you gained?
Would you ever ask a non-pregnant woman that question? No. While weight gain is healthy during pregnancy it really isn’t a stranger’s business how much (or little) has been gained.
6. Don’t you know what causes that?
I’m dedicating this to my friends and family that have more than 2 or 3 kids. I haven’t heard this, but I know people who have. While you may not personally agree with how many kids someone is choosing to have, it’s really not your business. Also, most adults know that when you have unprotected sex you have a chance at getting pregnant. Between learning about sex from our parents and public school (and the playground and gym locker rooms) people know where babies come from.
7. Were you trying for a [insert gender here]? Also sometimes heard as, “Hopefully you’ll have a [insert gender] this time.”
While some people do hope for a specific gender, not everyone does. Assuming that people are trying for a specific gender or that they’ll be disappointed if they don’t have a specific gender can be really rude.
8. As long as the baby is healthy…
I used to think this. I know that our family has a different perspective on a lot of things (and this is one), but if this baby (Deuce) comes out with a medical issue it won’t be the end of the world. I won’t love Deuce any less (just as I don’t love H Money and less because of all of his medical and special needs). It is what it is.
9. Don’t have more than 2 kids.
Yes, we heard this last week. That Daddy, H Money and I were out getting lunch and the guy at the cash register told us not to have more than 2 kids because then we would be outnumbered. He then proceeded to tell us that he had 3 kids so he knew. Um, okay? I hope his kids have never heard him say that.

I’m sure there’s more to add to the list. Do you have any “favorites”?

3 Comments leave one →
  1. December 1, 2011 7:44 pm

    “Was it an accident?” We got that one a lot. Still do. There is an 11 year gap between our oldest and youngest, with one kid in between.

    • December 1, 2011 7:45 pm

      Awesome! I hope they don’t say that in front of the youngest (especially once they reach the age of understanding!).

      • December 1, 2011 8:00 pm

        We are learning not to give people the chance. When we tell them our kids’ ages, we say that we didn’t want two in college at the same time.

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